Questions

This is one of my pieces where I seek to connect, where I seek to bring out the person in you. Where I provoke your alter ego, or maybe, if you wish the unseen ego, the ego that comes out when people are not looking, words that will provoke the question, who are you when people are looking? who are you when people are not looking?

Have you ever asked yourself why you act the way you act, is it because your father or mother acts the same way because they gave birth to you, because of the obvious reason that you share the same blood. I think we agree to some extent that even though we may not be the exact replica of our parents, we do have characteristics that are a mirror image of what they are.

But as you grow up and you are exposed to education and cosmopolitan societies, globalization and so on, don't you agree that somehow you change. Isn't it inevitable that people change and the change is influenced by one factor or another? Is it true the saying that you can take the villager out of the village but you can't take the village out of the villager? So what does it mean that the villager taken out of the village will change? What? Mindset and attitude or behavior and mannerisms? what of that child who has been exposed to action movies, will they make him or her violent, what about that one who peeped through a crack to spy on a pornographic film being watched by an elder sister or brother? Does it make him or her a pervert when he grows up?

What about that one who was never exposed to movies at all? What happens to them?

To a certain extent I agree the above paragraph is a-bit confusing even to me, but they are questions born out questions and the thirst to know what is behind what, then again, can you have all the answers, is it technically possible? I don’t know.
Back to who we are and what makes us who we are. For many, life experiences shape our inner beings and make us become a certain way. We all have experiences in life, some utterly unforgettable. I remember in one of the years I was in high school, I don't remember which one, even if I did I wouldn't reveal it, one pastor told us; God puts challenges and success in our way to give us experience so that we can have a story to tell.
Yeah, I am a believer.

Born to a single mother, the only life I knew till I was eight years old was that of me and my mother and the surrounding community of people I was trained to see as my brothers and sisters, What a good mother, keeping an environment where I felt secure and not alone. Then came my brother and things changed, suddenly I was not the centre of attention but this didn't bother me so much, my little brother was adorable!

Three years later and life took another spin that was the beginning of my journey called life, love, challenge, success, strength, stability.

I am a very private person so as you can see already, I’m trying to reveal as little as possible. But this is me. Who are you? Maybe the loud, obnoxious type, maybe the open one, who tells all their secrets to a friend days old, or to a friend years old?

Or maybe you are the sensitive one who cries bucketfuls when watching letters to Juliet or Titanic, and when you break up with your boyfriend, you call all your girlfriends and repeat the whole ordeal to them with a swollen teary face.

Or maybe you are the hopeless lover, who falls in love without thinking, the kind of guy who sees a girl for the first time, strive to get her number and never stop bugging her in the hope that one day she will feel this “thing” you call love that you are feeling.

Or the kind of girl who also falls head over heels, hopelessly in love and even if your boyfriend treats you like crap you still stick like glue.

Or maybe you are the kind who likes to keep to themselves and a past relationship gone bad has taught you to be cautious of what comes your way in the name of a good relationship.

Or you are the headstrong Gemini who likes someone today and tomorrow you're bored to death.

Are you the chronic liar who when you have an appointment with someone all you say is you are coming while in actual sense you're not even a mile near the supposed venue of appointment?

Are you the kind who when alone at home, you like to look at yourself in the mirror and look for the best way to smile to that new crush or just like looking at yourself to find that flaw on your body you wish you'd change. Or maybe you like to smile at the camera on your phone and apply your picture as wall paper or more so screen saver.

Are you the kind that is sweet and painfully nice to all the men in the room so that they like you, or are you the kind that thrives on attention and then pretend that you don't like attention?

Or maybe you are the kind who likes to see girls blush till they can't speak and all they do is just giggle. Or maybe you are the annoyingly slow and lazy kind that walking to the bus-stop becomes an up-hill task? I say annoyingly because slow people annoy me a great deal.

Or maybe you're the type, who can't do anything by themselves, and your mother has to accompany you to apply for your passport or ID or register for university, or you can't walk to the grocery shop if you are not "escorted"

Or maybe you are the kind who lives in the shadow of other people and instead of living your life; you live the lives of other people.

Maybe you are the kind that is too kind and generous and everybody takes advantage of your generosity, or you are the kind that speaks and everybody listens, the intelligent type, the one who oozes inspiration.

You may also be the funny type and everyone around you is always in fits laughing themselves silly, all you ever do is crack jokes and everybody knows you as such. On other you may be the kind that seeks to connect with the joker and find out what lies behind the funny jokes, shyness maybe, low self esteem....or you who wants to find out everybody's crap so that you can have a story to tell when you meet up with friends.

Or maybe, you are Mr. Charming, intelligent Mr. Charming who the girls worship and melt at the sight of your shadow.
Maybe you are painfully shy and you shake like a leaf when made the centre of attention even during your own birthday.
Or you’re the diva and every girl in town wants to be your friend because all the rich men want you to ride in their car.

As I bring out all these characteristics all of which I have seen with my very own eyes, I’d like to explain why I’m talking about this. One simple reason is that it is very important as a person to be able to look within you and deduce what defines you as a person, in the absence of friends, family or even colleagues, you as an individual with a single life, a single heart, a single soul. We all have different personalities and sometimes, we work so hard to change them because we are looking for acceptance. But do we ask ourselves where we are looking for this acceptance, is it among the right people, and in any case why would you go through the trouble of looking for acceptance among human beings.

Is it because we want to be liked, or loved or accepted into society in a certain way or accepted by certain friends. Do we still seek the same acceptance even when you are alone in your room and your favorite past time is to read a good book but when certain people are looking; your favorite past time is drinking yourself silly and dancing till the wee hours of the morning and reading a good book is automatically boring.

Is it true that in many cases, we live our lives trying to please other people? Can we? Why should we? Is it possible to have a favorite past time and enjoy it without feeling like you hurt someone because you didn't engage in what they like, and that someone subconsciously imagining that you should be doing similar things all the time just because you have a certain relationship?

A few lines above I mentioned the kind that likes to find out everybody's crap so they can have something to talk about later, are you the kind that listens to this crap?
In as much as I said we try to change to seek acceptance, think about how much energy we put in changing to seek acceptance or please people than changing to make ourselves better people?

Many times I have heard people saying "I am doing it, because so and so does it, or I am doing this and that because so and so asked me to and I’m afraid of saying no or tell them I can't or "it's my boyfriend so I will do whatever he asks" which brings me to another question, are we in relationships that make us better, stagnant, shadow-images, or worse than we initially were? Do we even need to be in a relationship to feel better or accepted?

I can go on and on about this because my brain goes on and on, but one thing I know for sure is that I have kindled your thoughts, ask yourself these same questions and maybe you might just find out who you really are, you might just find out that you have been living a lie, or you are stronger, more intelligent than you thought, or you might even find out that you have been on the right path, you know what you need to do, you have done some of it and you want to keep going. Don't be surprised to find out that you have been living a stagnant life, yeah it happens.

Asa in her song 360 degrees puts it clearly "...You don't have to go the 360 degrees, now it's time to go the 180, you don't have to climb the highest mountain, for all you're looking for is within you...."

And after everything else, treasure your experiences, your experience is one of the truest stories you can ever tell, whether good or bad. You don't have to shout them out from the roof-tops, you don't have to embark on a project to tell everyone, keep them close, treasure them, share them to inspire those born before or after you but be careful not to downplay anybody else’s experience because they too have a story to tell.